Us and Them

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”

--Mother Teresa

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! My girlfriend Larissa and I just got back from a weeklong trip to Maui, Hawaii. We scheduled the trip primarily to attend Dr. Wayne Dyer’s “Excuses Be Gone!” workshop and then stayed a few extra days to see some sights and enjoy the beautiful island.

The workshop was awesome, as we expected. Dr. Dyer had come down with the flu just prior to the event and almost had to cancel but he stuck it out and was simply wonderful. We were also treated to a discussion with Ram Dass, who is another contemporary spiritual teacher and author of several books including the spiritual classic, “Remember, Be Here Now.” Above is a picture I took with him at the workshop. Holding his hand, I felt such a great sense of peace. He is truly a beautiful man.

Outside of the workshop, Maui was every bit as gorgeous as you can imagine. My girlfriend and I have traveled to some awesome places but this was the first place that I can say literally took my breath away. Additionally, the people are very friendly and inviting, and not just at the popular tourist spots. Our experience was that the people just seemed happy.

One of the things I wanted to focus on for myself when I visited Hawaii was to place my attention on feeling the oneness of everything. I try to do this a lot at home but really wanted to spend extra time on it in Hawaii since I knew I would be seeing some new things. Whenever I encountered new and different things: the ocean, the beautiful vibrant green land, animals and other people; I consciously reminded myself that the same energy that flowed through everything was also in me. I think this is one of the reasons I was really able to feel that sense of awe despite having visited some other truly amazing places in the past. I told my girlfriend several times, “I feel so small” but I didn’t mean it in a negative way. I meant that I could sense I was part of something much larger than myself. In other words, I could feel I belonged to everything and everything belonged to me because we are all a part of the same Source.

Having been to such an amazing place and having felt such a deep spiritual connection during my experience, I contemplated the fact that any source of conflict that occurs usually stems from buying into the “us vs. them” mentality. There is a Native American saying that says, “No tree has branches foolish enough to fight amongst each other.” Humans, however, are a different story.

The thing with humans is that we aren’t born thinking we are separate from everything; we are cultured to think that way. All wars and acts of terrorism stem from “us vs. them” and, as nature illustrates so perfectly for us, this is not in our God nature. When “us vs. them” stops, terrorism and war will stop. Strife only begets strife. I recently saw one of the saddest bumper stickers I have ever encountered. It read, “Give war a chance.” That really just blows my mind because the history books very much illustrate that we’ve given war plenty of “chances”. Even more sadly, when I’ve encountered this bumper sticker, it’s usually stuck next to a “My kid goes to .”

In the book, “A Course in Miracles”, written by the Foundation for Inner Peace, the authors state, “The Wholeness of God, which is His peace, cannot be appreciated except by a whole mind that recognizes the wholeness of God’s creation.” They continue, “Projection and attack are inevitably related, because projection is always a means of justifying attack. Anger without projection is impossible.”

“Peace” doesn’t mean we can’t hold different opinions or opposing beliefs. What it does mean is that when we recognize and allow the other branches on the tree of life to grow, we can live in harmony. We belong to each other. We all grow from the same tree of life. I have several very close friends and family members who hold very different political and spiritual beliefs than I do but we love and respect each other just the same. In other words, there is no “them”, there is only “us”.

In Hawaii, I was able to deeply connect to the oneness of the beauty around me. I was privileged enough to swim side by side with a beautiful sea turtle and felt so connected to God. It’s not always easy, however, to feel that sense of oneness in people who make us angry or who we feel have wronged us. That’s where the challenge lies. Sea turtles are easy. Can you feel oneness with the guy who just gave you a hand gesture in traffic?

For today, I dare you to identify one issue in your own life for which you have established an “us vs. them” mentality. After identifying it, turn your attention away from the “them” and toward finding commonalities that will bring you closer to “us”. They’re there.

In closing, today I read a quote by author Sidney Sheldon that sums up this concept perfectly: ”Do not judge strangers harshly. Remember that every stranger you meet is you.”

As always, thanks for reading and daring to dare!

Calling An Audible

“I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish he didn’t trust me so much.” --Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”. I’ve been going through a few “growing pains” recently with respect to a couple of things going on in my life that didn’t turn out the way I thought they would. After my initial disappointment with these situations, I decided to meditate on what I was dealing with to see if I could find some peace.

As I meditated, I got a picture in my head of a football team lining up at the line of scrimmage to run a play. I was about to push that thought out of my head thinking that it was a stray thought that had come to visit (inspired by my 4-0 fantasy football record thank you very much! LOL) but instead, I let it play out a little more. As the scene unfolded in my head, I realized that I was in that picture. I was lining up at the receiver position waiting for the ball to be snapped.

I was looking over at the quarterback who was moving his hands around and redirecting traffic after seeing something in the defense he didn’t like. If you aren’t very familiar with football, this is called an “audible”. That is, although a play was called in the huddle, the quarterback may decide to switch the play at the line if he sees that the defense may be lined up unfavorably for that particular call.

As the play unfolded, I ran a deep route and looked over my shoulder to see the ball coming right down into my hands. I scampered in for the touchdown.

It was then I realized exactly what I was being shown. In this situation, God was my quarterback and I was a receiver. Sometimes, we may have a “play” (plan) set ready to run with expectations of how it will turn out. In a previous blog entry, I mentioned a long-term relationship I was in that didn’t turn out at all as I had hoped. I hadn’t been happy for a while but yet felt too stuck to leave. While I didn’t know it at the time, God was calling an audible for me. Now I can see perfectly why the play was changed.

As the receiver, I have to trust and adjust. If I am trying to do what is right in any given situation, and yet it doesn’t seem to be working as I expected, that’s where I need to trust that Source (God) is looking out for me and just keep running deep. It will turn out exactly as it should.

For today, I dare you to “run deep”. Reflect on a situation going on in your life currently that isn’t turning out exactly as you might have wanted. Consider what the gift in the situation might be. As you may recall in my last blog entry, even getting shingles provided me with some gifts! As you think about your situation, visualize yourself in the receiver position waiting for God to adjust the play and then trust and adjust. This visualization helped me to find peace and move past any doubts I may have had about my ability to move on. I hope it does the same for you. Thanks for reading and daring to dare!

The Gift of Shingles

Every challenge says,

“Look down a little deeper.

There’s a gift for you.”

--My Haiku

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”. This past weekend, I had to go to the clinic because I wasn’t feeling well and had this really bad rash on my back. The doctor informed me that I had come down with shingles.

If you’re not familiar with shingles, it’s essentially the chicken pox coming back to visit. It’s very painful and has kept me out of work for a couple of days. I’ve had to be inside the house the whole time because sun exposure makes the symptoms worse.

After the first couple of days, I’ve learned to deal with the pain enough to consider what things I am learning from this experience. I truly believe that there are some great lessons to be learned in everything that happens to us so here are a few things I’m taking away from this so far.

1) Family and Friends are awesome! When I got sick, I received some great get well wishes from my family and friends. The emails and phone calls I received truly warmed my heart and it made me realize, how truly blessed I am to be surrounded by such wonderful people.

2) Slow down, will ya? Why it’s taken me so long to sit in front of the TV and just enjoy a Tom and Jerry cartoon? That is, truly enjoy it and not fold/iron clothes, work, text message, or anything else. Just sit down once in a while and enjoy the show! Why do I always seem to be in such a rush?

3) Take stock. I have a couple of friends who are currently dealing with life threatening diseases on a day-to-day basis. My girlfriend, Larissa, has several medical conditions that can leave her virtually incapacitated for days. While that doesn’t make my own illness any less, it certainly puts things into perspective. Take stock of what’s going right in your life!

4) I’m cool to hang out with. There was a time in my life when spending this much time alone confined at home would’ve driven my mad. Instead of brooding around the house feeling sorry for myself, I was able to focus on some things like reading, writing, and catching up on some of my favorite music. Realizing you’re cool to hang out with is an amazing feeling!

5) I love Judge Judy. Ok, this seems a bit random but I’ve got to say how much I love Judge Judy. I DVR this show every day but rarely have time to sit and enjoy her show. This woman has such an uncanny knack for squeezing the truth out of people! I just love her!

For today, I dare you to think about a challenge you are dealing with and put on your Judge Judy robe and squeeze out of it at least three positive aspects about the challenge. As Judge Judy says, “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining either.” Really dig around and get to the good stuff! If you look hard enough, I promise it’s there.

Thanks for reading today and daring to dare!

Write the Story

“You are the author.

Every day you write the book.

What is your story?”

--Me

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”. The above quote is a haiku I recently wrote that came to me as I thought about all of the seemingly small choices we make every day that truly make up the stories of our lives.

Life doesn’t happen in great big events. It happens in the small choices we make every day. In my last blog, I talked about the statue of David and how Michelangelo commented that David was already in the marble, he just chipped away the excess. It occurred to me that as Michelangelo chipped away at the marble he had some choices to make, didn’t he? No doubt, his alignment with his purpose provided him with some sense of guidance, just as we all feel when we are in alignment with our own purpose. Ultimately, however, we make choices.

While the idea that we always have choices can be liberating, it can also be a very scary thing. If I am the author of my own story, who can I blame if I don’t like the way the story is turning out? People tend to want to add “co-authors” to their books when they don’t like the story. “My parents made me this way”, “It’s my DNA”, “My father had a bad temper, that’s why I do too”, “Being overweight is hereditary”, “My ex made me scared of trusting anyone again” etc.

Ex-quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons (and current Philadelphia Eagles quarterback) Michael Vick was recently released from prison for dog fighting and cruelty to animals. He participated in the electrocution and drowning of several dogs. In an interview conducted shortly after his reinstatement into the NFL, he stated that his culture was partially to blame for his actions. Isn’t that easier than saying he knew right from wrong and made a terrible choice? Aren’t there plenty of others who grew up in that culture too but don’t make that choice?

We try to use these excuses as a way out of making a choice. If I was brought up a certain way or exposed to certain things as a child, it’s not my fault! In his book, “Excuses Be Gone!” by Dr. Wayne Dyer refers to these “mind viruses” as “memes” or preprogrammed beliefs that we use to excuse ourselves from the choices we make.

I am always blown away when people say that they need to pay bills or need to go to work. These are all choices we make. There are plenty of people who make the choices not to do those things. Realizing that you are the author of your own book and, even more importantly, the ONLY author of that book is the first step to changing your self-defeating choices or habits.

Have you ever tried to argue with someone who has made a choice not to argue with you? I was speaking to a family member yesterday about a point we did not agree on but I was determined not to argue. In the past, I would’ve defended my point at all costs, which usually resulted in an escalated family feud. He stated his point emphatically and I could feel he was just waiting for that one spark to fuel an argument but I simply stated, “That’s an interesting perspective. We all make our own choices. I guess we’ll have to see how that turns out.” My choice was peace.

For today, I dare you to focus on your choices and make a list of all the people in the past you’ve allowed to share the title page of your book with you…and I mean EVERYONE! For example, for years, I let my 7^th grade basketball coach write the chapter in my life that described the sad story of how I was discouraged from playing basketball and, therefore, never realized my dream of playing professionally. It is so much easier for me to tell that story than the story that I CHOOSE not to pursue that dream. The thing is, once I faced that reality and erased her from the “credits” I initially felt sad but then I felt much more empowered, realizing that these are my choices to make and not anyone else’s.

Alexander Pope once said, “Excuses are worse than lies because they are guarded lies.” Don’t guard those excuses anymore. Let go of them and realize that doing so puts the pen back in your hands. Thank you for reading today and for daring to dare!

David

"Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it."

--Michelangelo

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”. This morning, a friend of mine called me to tell me that Dr. Wayne Dyer’s PBS special “The Power of Intention” was on PBS. I hadn’t seen this in a while and being a huge fan of Wayne Dyer, I quickly got myself in front of the TV to watch it again. I love listening to Dr. Dyer speak because he is such a peaceful man and his speaking style reminds me of a quote I once read that said something like, “When you counsel someone, don’t lecture to him but, rather, speak to him as if you are only reminding him of something he has forgotten.” I love this quote and often remember it when a friend or family member seeks my advice about something going on in their life. I am never comfortable telling people what decisions they should make for themselves, but typically ask enough questions so that they can come up with their own truth. What I’ve found is that most people already know they answer; they just aren’t necessarily prepared to accept it. What I hope to accomplish by writing this blog is not to write an advice column but rather to share with you things that I am “remembering” along my own spiritual path in hopes that it will help you remember some things on yours.

Going back to Dr. Dyer’s PBS special, one of the concepts he discusses is that of seeing beauty in everything, beginning with ourselves. The premise of this concept is that God creates everything and everyone and there is nothing that does not have some element of beauty within it. It is true that the beauty is not always apparent, but it is there.

When Michelangelo created the statue of David, a masterpiece of Renaissance sculpture, he stated that David was already inside the marble, he just chipped away the excess to set the sculpture free. He believed that his job as a sculptor was to free the forms inside the marble. As sculptors of our own lives, it is our job to chip away the excess and discover the beauty within ourselves. Our culture tends to make us believe that we are all “broken” in some sense and need fixing. Nothing could be further from the truth. Chipping away excess to free the beauty inside is far different than being “broken”. It’s true that sometimes we make decisions that are not in alignment with our Source but, coming from Source, we cannot be anything but perfect. I love the analogy that Dr. Dyer uses of an orange. “If you squeeze an orange,” he states, “what do you get? Orange juice of course!” It’s the same thing with us and Source energy. When you “squeeze” us, only the perfection that is God can come out.

Chipping away the excess for me means getting rid of what I don’t need. I’ve mentioned in several past blog entries that I rarely watch the local news any longer because I don’t need it. I stay informed through headlines and quick news blurbs but I don’t need to hear story after story about how things are bad and only going to get worse. That to me is excess marble I don’t need. Television in general is also represents excess for me. I have some shows I love to watch but rarely plant myself in front of the TV for hours at a time. What represents the excess marble in your life? Are you addicted to TV? What about excess drinking or smoking?

What is amazing to me is that once I started to chip away the excess from my life, my life’s purpose began to become much clearer to me. That’s how I know I am truly onto something. I used to complain that I never had time to do things I truly love, such as exercising, writing, and reading. As I chipped away the excesses in my life, I am just amazed at how much “lost” time I have found.

For today, I dare you to make a list of the excess things in your life. Realize that all of these things keep the perfect sculpture that is you encased in the block of marble.

After you make your list, come up with a plan to minimize their impact on your life. Don’t try and go completely cold turkey on things that have really rooted themselves into your life but at least try and minimize them. Smoke one less cigarette; drink one less beer; watch one less hour of TV and read something inspirational instead. Celebrate your successes with this. Nothing is insignificant. Do not underestimate how even a small change in your life can have huge impact and do not be surprised if your life’s purpose starts to look just a little bit clearer once you start “chipping away”.

I look forward to hearing how this exercise works for you! Thanks for reading today and daring to dare!

YES!!

“For all that has been, ‘thanks’. For all that will be, ‘yes’.” --Dag Hammarskjold

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! It’s been a while since I’ve written anything but I haven’t been idle by any means! Some of you may recall that a few blog entries ago, I submitted my “Letter of Resignation” to that part of me that had been “sitting in idle” for a while. I had a list of things I wanted to do but just hadn’t gotten to them. I’m sure many people have a list like this but it seems to stay on paper (or in their heads), never to see the light of day.

To recap a little bit from my last few blog entries, the company I work for needed to eliminate some jobs and there was a lot of apprehension in the office as you can well imagine, and probably as some of you might even be experiencing. I really wasn’t apprehensive about it, however. The situation forced me to think about what my game plan would be should my job be eliminated. That’s when I came up with my “canned” list of things I had been putting off until I “had time”. And yes, I put “had time” in quotes because really, deep down I knew these were things I very well could’ve found the time to do if I really wanted to. My idleness was more about complacency than anything else.

So, the job eliminations came and went and I still have a job, but I’ve decided now that this “canned” list needs to stay out and be in front of me every day. I am not going to wait for another potentially life changing event to make this list happen. In fact, several have already started happening.

One of the things on my list was to write more…much more! So to assist me with breaking through some blocks I’ve had of my own, I signed up for an online workshop based on Patti Digh’s book, “Life is a Verb.” She and another life coach lead the class and we’ve only met twice thus far (it’s a six-month course), but I have already felt a lot of things changing for me.

One of these perspective changing realizations came for me when we discussed being able to say “yes” to ourselves. When I first heard this, it didn’t really resonate with me but as I thought about it throughout the following day, I started noticing how many times I say “no” to myself. Even in the times I did say “yes”, I felt guilty about it. Here are some examples of what I’m describing:

“I want to play my guitar but I shouldn’t because there’s laundry to do.”

“I want to play in a band again but can I really make that happen?”

“I’d love to sing that song but I can’t sing.”

“I want to paint but I can’t paint. I’ve never had any classes.”

“I want to go ghost hunting but why would a ghost hunting group want me on their team with no formal experience?”

“I want to write more but I am not a writer.”

Just look at how many “buts” there are in those thoughts, and these were just a few! One of the exercises Patti had us practice was saying “yes” to ourselves more often. For me, that really meant taking the sentences above and cutting off the “but…”, and then giving myself permission by adding the word “yes”. So here is what I have started focusing on telling myself now:

“I want to play my guitar.” "YES!“

“I want to play in a band again. "YES!“

“I’d love to sing that song.” "YES!“

“I want to paint.” "YES!“

“I want to go ghost hunting.” "YES!“

“I want to write more.” "YES!“

Much more empowering, huh? Yes! So that certainly doesn’t mean that laundry still doesn’t need to be done or that all of a sudden I can sing like an angel. It just means I’ve removed the limiting beliefs from being tied to these things that I want to do…like opening the bird cage and setting the bird free.

The other side of “yes” I discovered is that I had a very strong aversion to failure. I think a lot of people do but I really wanted to pay attention to what that meant for me so here are some things I have now started saying “yes” to in that area:

· Feeling confident AND feeling awkward

· Saying the right thing AND saying the wrong thing

· Knowing the answer AND not knowing the answer

· Feeling energetic AND feeling lazy

· Hitting the right note AND hitting the wrong note

In her book, Life is a Verb, Patti sums it up best by stating, “I was saying a big yes to my life—to all of it, the zinnias in the sun and the syrup on the floor.”

Most of us, including me, feel great about the “zinnias” in our lives like feeling confident, saying the right things, knowing the answers, feeling energetic, and hitting the right notes. It’s the flip-side of each one that we have problems with. What I have come to realize though is that it’s ALL OK, those beautiful flowers AND the mess on the floor.

So, right on cue, after coming to some fairly profound realizations, I ran across the quote I began this blog post with, “For all that has been, ‘thanks’. For all that will be ‘yes’.” This has become my new morning and evening prayer because for me it captures the two things I feel are so important to living a happy life: gratitude and acceptance.

For today, I dare you to get out a piece of paper and make your own list of things you’ve been saying “no” to and just start by writing the word “yes” after them. Remember, “no” is sneaky. It comes in many forms like, “Not now”, “I don’t have time”, “tomorrow”, etc. Those are “no’s” in disguise!

Also, “no” likes to sneak in the back door of “how” so please do not question “how” anything will happen. Just write “yes” after it and see how it feels. We can get so caught up in the “hows” of things sometimes that we snuff out the dream before it even has a chance to see the light of day. Just write "YES" in big bold letters!

When I was a kid and was going to go on a school field trip, I remember bringing a permission slip home for my parents to sign. The slip was really that, just a small slip that said I could go. It didn’t map out the logistics of the trip or anything else; just “yes”. That’s all I’m daring you to do for now.

I hope you come to some great realizations for yourself by doing this exercise as I have. As always, have fun and I will talk to you again soon!

Plan B

Plan B

Life is that haze in the windstorm

And yet

She sets aside daily time

For detail.

Elbowed sharply in the side

And trying out plan B

A fulfilling existence.

-My “blackout poetry” – For more on Blackout Poems visit http://www.austinkleon.com/

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”. The last time I wrote, I was uncertain about my employment situation, as the company I work for needed to eliminate some positions. That date for job eliminations has come and gone and I am still with that employer, and I am very grateful for that. I was however, very prepared for whatever changes might have come my way. Although my employer has not changed, I have.

This whole experience gave me a much needed “elbow in the side” that was actually very welcome in my life at this time. I admit that I was asleep at the wheel for a while and truthfully, didn’t even know who was driving at some points along the way. This reminds me of a story my father told me a while back, when “cruise control” on cars was first introduced. He told me about a man who was driving, set his car on cruise control, and then hopped in the backseat for a nap. Of course, he didn’t get very far before his car careened off the road. I think the cruise control on my life had been set but I wasn’t quite in the backseat yet when I realized that I needed to get back in the driver’s seat.

Some of you may recall that in my “Letter of Resignation” blog post published a few weeks ago, I mentioned that some of my friends/coworkers had made lists of things they were planning to do if they were let go from the company. I had created a list also and realized that these things had no business being my “Plan B”. I resigned to focusing on those things from that point on.

So what’s changed? For one, I am focusing more on my writing and moving it from the “hobby” category of my life over to the “what I do” list. I enrolled in a six month telecoaching course led by writer Patti Digh who wrote a wonderful book called, “Life is a Verb”. I just adore that title! The course begins tomorrow and I am so excited to be a part of this! Doing this has truly sent a message to me that I am back in the driver’s seat! If you haven’t checked out this book or any of Patti’s work, I would highly recommend visiting her website at www.37days.com.

I also am looking for more ways to give to others. I know I was one who, like many others would use the excuse, “If I had more time or more money, I’d give.” This was definitely something that popped up on my “Plan B” for a long time. I’d donate some things here and there but it wasn’t really a huge focus for me. Now, I am constantly looking for ways to help causes I am passionate about. I was also recently inspired by the son of a friend of mine who wrote the following letter to a local charity (used with permission):

“Hello, I am a 15 year old young man that wishes to contribute to the matters of our children’s education and welfare. I wish to contribute face-to face with the people I am helping instead of throwing money at your charity. I wish to help my people out of love and unite communities for a better future for our children. How can I achieve this through your organization?” – Sean Encino

How beautiful is a letter like that? Connectedness at its finest!

So for today, I dare you to review those things that are currently on your “Plan B” for life and start to work on them. Make them “Plan A”. Don’t try to do them all at once because you may become overwhelmed and want to give up. Additionally, don’t try to tackle any single item all at once. I recently started listening to a podcast called “Morning Coach” (www.morningcoach.com) that stresses exactly that point. We can’t do everything in one day but we can do 1% every day towards our goals. Breaking it down makes it more manageable and increases the likelihood that we will see it through. I have been notoriously guilty of the “all or nothing” mindset in the past, which yields little to no results.

A more fulfilling life should NEVER be your Plan B! Crawl out of the backseat and take back the wheel of the car that is your life!

Many thanks for reading today and daring to dare!